Settling into the discomfort of Physical

Big hair, bright lights, candy coloured eyeshadow, shiny leotards, VHS tapes and the birth of MTV set the scene for Physical on Apple TV Plus.  

“Only you have the power to change you!” calls out Sheila Rubin in the middle of an aerobics routine. These words ring out like a mantra, one that in many ways becomes Sheila’s through-line during the series - ‘power’ and ‘change’ are two things she is struggling to attain. 

Rose Byrne plays aerobics-obsessed Sheila Rubin. Image : Physical.

From the moment I saw the trailer, I knew I had to watch this series.

Set in 1980s San Diego, Sheila, played by Australian actress Rose Byrne feels disempowered. She doesn’t make friends very easily and her life that revolves around motherhood and meeting the needs and expectations of her husband, Danny Rubin - a university lecturer, played by Rory Scovel. But behind her wide-eyed smile and immaculate wardrobe is a woman who has forgone her own wants and needs and it becomes increasingly apparent that Sheila is struggling to be heard.

In conversations with Danny a pattern presents itself: he talks, she listens. She offers an opinion or advice - he shuts her down or ignores her.

The 1980s were a time when women were becoming an increasing part of professional occupations and padded shoulders embodied that social shift. This article in The Baltimore Sun talks to the millions of women across the United States who moved into professional and managerial roles, and in ‘Physical’ we watch as Sheila fights tooth and nail to make her own way to the top.

From the outset the balance of power rests firmly in Danny’s hands, and he disregards his wife’s opinions unless he’s receiving absolute praise and adoration. But Sheila is the necessary superglue that holds Danny’s self-esteem together… and she has given him everything.

The question is: what has she gotten in return? 

This is when we find out what’s really going on in Sheila’s head and she expresses her ‘true’ feelings through internal monologues, which drive many of the pivotal scenes.

Inside, there is deep resentment and bitterness brewing. Sheila thinks her husband is an idiot and her inner monologues bring to light the tension between her diminishing sense of self-worth, accompanied by depleting feelings towards her husband who only cares about himself. 

Danny spends what feels like a large part of many of the early scenes ‘naked’, which does two things: it establishes a level of comfort between the couple, but also reveals that even at his most vulnerable, he’s a bit of an ass.

I won’t reveal what happens in some of the cringe-worthy moments, except to say, that with the added injection of Danny’s ego these scenes make for a character who is difficult to like from the start.

Sheila’s husband Danny Rubin has more ego, than sense. Image : Physical.

Danny might have been cool during his student days. He was a political activist who wanted to make a difference in the world. And surely that’s what Sheila was attracted to in the first place. But his head and his ego are still firmly rooted in the past. A life in academia has allowed him assert some semblance of status, but has also provided the buffer between him and reality. In the here and now, Danny is a middling academic who nobody takes seriously apart from the naive female students who gravitate to him.

One of the most revealing backstories to Sheila (and her own capabilities) emerges at one of Danny’s work drinks. It’s here that we discover Sheila was a top student with a bright future ahead of her. Yes, she’s even smarter than her husband, which compounds the fact that she’s taken a back seat to her own life and is left feeling powerlessin the process.

Her internal monologue reveals her fight to stay in control: “This will be the last time, you’re a fat disgusting pig, this is the last time…” 

Sheila deals with the continuous battle of being ‘unheard’ and ‘invisible’ by jumping in her car, racing to a drive-in burger joint and ordering enough food for a family of six.  On arriving at a dingy motel room she takes off her clothes before methodically and ritualistically placing each item in a row on top of the bed.

Her eyes are way bigger than her stomach, not that the food will stay there long. With no other way to express her feelings her eating disorder has become a means of ridding herself of the disgust and self-hatred. It is also the one time we ever see her alone.  This process of binging and purging offers her the release she needs before returning to her mundane domestic life and the mutterings of her idiotic husband, which become much easier to shrug off.  

At the top of the series there is a disclaimer warning of scenes involving eating disorder behaviour.  To be honest, I was taken aback because it seemed over-the-top and a little affronting, maybe even uncomfortable. But as the series progresses, the disclaimer becomes very necessary.

When an eating disorder takes hold, it doesn't want to let go…

Having suffered from anorexia throughout my twenties, I can tell you that it has nothing to do with losing weight as many people think, but is a means to control the one thing within your grasp - your body - what you put into it, or don’t. But eventually the disorder starts controlling you. And that’s exactly what is happening to Sheila.

Hers has already manifested into addictive behaviour, and when her ballet classes discontinue she no longer has a means to ‘control her body’ though exercise. That is, until she discovers aerobics. But in true Sheila Rubin style it’s through some weird, stalker-like behaviour. This new obsession has the power to free Sheila from her eating disorder and open her up to a whole new world of empowerment and opportunities.

Rich house wife Greta is stuck in a rut. Image : Physical.

Aerobics was first conceived by a U.S physician, Kenneth H. Cooper in the late 1960s, but this revolutionary form of physical conditioning that combined synchronized dance and cardio exercise became a global phenomenon in the 80s with the release of Jane Fonda’s videotape workouts and TV’s Richard Simmons. In ‘Physical’ Sheila is the Jane Fonda of the fictitious aerobics world.

Except, the journey to a healthy mind and healthy body leads Sheila towards destructive behaviour, lies and deceit.

Driven by a powerful desire to finally get something she deserves, she’ll do anything it takes to have her cake and eat it too, even if her path to success means pushing others out of the way, especially now that she has her sights set on building an at-home aerobics video empire that her husband, who is now running in the local body elections, doesn’t know about.

The strength of ‘Physical’ lies in its characters. Each is as complicated as the next with a very clear through-line. And in this case, Sheila isn’t the only woman with troubles. 

Greta, a frumpy daycare Mum played superbly by Dierdre Friel is the wife of a millionaire who makes many unsuccessful attempts to befriend the exceptionally unfriendly, but glamorous, Sheila. It’s only when Sheila realises there are some benefits to the connection for both Danny - in his election campaign, and her Aerobics business, that Sheila takes the offer of friendship and maximizes it for her own purposes. The Rubin’s can take all the help they can get, especially while Sheila is doing dodgy dealings with the much younger aerobics instructor, Bunny, played by Della Saba and her surfer boyfriend, Tyler, played by Lou Taylor Pucci to get her own business off the ground.

As the friendship between Greta and Sheila deepens there are obvious parallels between them. Both deal to the stresses and feelings of invisibility and worthlessness in their own way, including the extremes of their eating patterns. For Greta, food is a comfort and guilty pleasure, but unlike Sheila, she struggles with her weight.

Creator and writer Annie Weisman says much of the story is related to her own shameful secrets. In this Vanity Fair article from August, 2021 she discusses her personal experience of eating disorders and shares her views of the fitness and diet industry:

“I hate the term Eating Disorder. It does not match my experience at all. And it has a very sticky implication to the forces of diet and exercise industry: as if eating is the problem. If you fix your eating, you fix yourself!”

“When I would enter a binge and purge cycle, it felt totally out of my control. It was as if I was walking down the street and someone pulled up in a car, put a blanket over my head, and pushed me into the backseat. I was going for a ride, whether I liked it or not.”

Sheila’s disordered eating is magnified in the series and reveals what it looks like from the outside: the obsessive attitude towards exercise and food that many associate with eating disorders, but also the sense of self-loathing that comes with it and the impact for the person struggling in silence.

Sheila Rubin is as determined as she is complicated. Image: Physical.

In this series, where eating disorders speak to a loss of power and control, Sheila’s evolution and frantic pursuit to regain both sees her become increasingly out of control.

She has to fight for what she wants and not without some loss of dignity along the way. But in this stance, climbing the golden ladder to financial freedom and success only has value if there’s a man to catch her at the other end, completing the cycle of ‘perceived happiness.’ Well, that’s if the very bizarre ending is anything to go by. And yes, it is probably one of the strangest endings to a series I have ever witnessed. It leaves you hanging with some serious questions at the forefront of your mind.

But what does this say about a women and success? Surely getting to the top needn’t be accompanied by scratched out eyeballs and damaged manicures?

For me, this series speaks volumes about women’s roles within society, including the never ending quest for perfection - what it means to be the perfect wife and mother (who is also dressed immaculately at all times), to the feeling that you’re on a tightrope with someone waiting to watch you fall. Added to that are the prescribed beauty standards that women are constantly comparing themselves against.

Much like Sheila and Greta, many of us eventually succumb to the almighty beauty and body gods that inform us through a steady stream of advertising of what we should look like, or at least, aspire to achieve.

During the 80s new technology was just emerging, along with the birth of MTV and music videos, which today continue to hyper-sexualize images of the female body.

Today, nothing has changed. At least, not from where I’m standing. Technology and its various apps only reinforce those ‘body-beautiful’ standards. Our phones tell us how many steps we’ve done that day, and platforms like Instagram appeal to the desperate inner workings of young girls and women aspiring to become ‘influencers’ pursued by brands and followed by predators and peers alike. Because the beauty standard states that looking pretty, while lying poolside, holding a tub of ice cream - for paid promotion - is necessary for success. Thus, reinforcing the notion of beauty and body as a form of currency.

The best stories are always filled with the most complicated characters and ‘Physical’ has all of that and more.

Rose Byrne does a great job of capturing all of Sheila’s nuances throughout the series. While Sheila is beautiful and intelligent with an enviable wardrobe, in public she isn’t one to put a foot wrong until she begins to crumble under the weight of her own lies. At times you might find yourself frustrated and bewildered by some of her decisions and the subsequent fall-out. And if you’re looking for the best 80s fashion cues, Sheila has it going on!

If you are battling with an eating disorder I don’t recommend watching this series, as the disclaimer suggests some of the issues will be triggering.

Described as a Comedy Drama, the issues and story line are more raw and confronting, than funny. In fact, there were barely any moments I found myself laughing, at least, not out loud.

There is so much to love, hate and to feel ‘uncomfortable’ about in this series. And for all of those reasons I found ‘Physical’ incredibly addictive. You might too!